


Back to You ~ Craquaria

by ao3pippin



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Lesbian AU, Soulmates, cis girl au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 09:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15337098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ao3pippin/pseuds/ao3pippin
Summary: "Stay with me. I don't want to be alone.""I waited too long to find you, there's no way I'm leaving this soon."





	1. Brianna

**Author's Note:**

> hi! I'm Pippin! this is something that started as a small drabble and is now a multi-chapter fic?!  
> find me on tumblr @aqpippin and find me on artificialqueens under pippin ! enjoy xoxo

Brianna can still remember the day she turned sixteen, when she woke up and felt as though her skin was on fire. She remembers her mom rushing into the room, holding her daughter’s body still and whispering sweet nothings until the pain subsided and the immortal words were stained against Brianna’s arm. Bob ran her fingers over the words, her soft touch soothing Brianna.

‘I can’t do this, I want to go home’

Bob couldn’t quite manage to stifle her laugh, mumbling that she ‘thought her words were strange’, left blissfully unaware that - for the first time ever - her humour didn’t alleviate Brianna’s anxiety. Ever the stress head, Brianna’s mind quickly went into overdrive.

“Mom, these are terrible words. These are words people use when they break up with someone. What if we break up as soon as we meet, oh my god.” Brianna was panicked, she started hyperventilating. What if her soulmate hated her? What if they didn’t think she was pretty enough? She had always heard stories - both the good and the bad, and Brianna never imagined that hey story would be one of the bad.

“Look at me, Brianna,” Bob grabbed Brianna’s chin and made her look up, locking their eye contact, “who cares? Sometimes a soulmate comes in the form of a friend, not a lover. You might find them tomorrow, you might not ever find them. You might meet them down the street, you might meet them on the other side of the world. Soulmates do not define your life, or define who you are, Bria.” Brianna nodded with a sniffle, wiping away her tears. Her mom was one of the few that never found their soulmate - for one reason or another - but she was living proof that you didn’t need one to live a full life.

“Besides,” Bob sighed, pulling Brianna up from her bed and holding her in her arms, “if your soulmate breaks up with you, they’re an idiot. I raised two pretty cool kids.”

*

Brianna was twenty-one when her sister Blair found her soulmate in Blaze, right before her nineteenth birthday. Four years on and Blair was sporting an engagement ring on her left hand; Brianna, however, was still empty handed. She was still yet to find her person, the person that was supposed to make her feel complete. She had found herself putting her love in those equally as unlucky, in those who were yet to feel the embrace of their person - she was hoping to forget about the fact that everyone around her was falling in love; but all Brianna gained from nights of terrible hookups in her small Harlem apartment was realising at age twenty that she didn’t care for men. She was interested in women, and all too scared that the words she longed to hear would fall from the lips of a man.

“You’ll meet them soon, B, I know it.” Blair sighed, rubbing the words that still lingered over her shoulder blade, the first place Blaze touched her when they met. They were vague and - in Blair’s opinion - terrible words to have marked on your skin, but she couldn’t deny the happiness and warmth she felt when Blaze touched over the black ink, like wildfire running through her veins.

–

Blair looked around, trying to find the person that had knocked her off her feet - to no avail. She started gathering the books that fell out of her hands and took a moment to recollect herself - and then she felt a warm hand against her shoulder blade, followed by shivers up her spine and a warm feeling in her tummy.

‘Some people are assholes.’ his voice was soothing and and sweet - kind of like the way honey ran off a drizzle stick. The butterflies were going crazy, they were the words that had marked her body for nearly three years, the words that indicated the start of a new chapter in her life. She was mesmerised by the man in front of her, long limbs and tanned skin, and he helped her off the floor. She grabbed his wrist for support, her fingertips skimming the ink of his tattoo, ‘and others are good Samaritans,’ she mumbled, unaware of the now-gawking man in front of her. They locked eye contact for a brief moment before looking away awkwardly, both sets of cheeks flushed pink with bashfulness. ‘I’m Blair,’ she spoke meekly, holding out her hand to the very important stranger, ‘nice to meet you.’ The stranger pulled Blair into a tight hug, crushing both her auburn curls and her chest. ‘I’m Blaze,’ he replied after letting her go, ‘nice to find you.’

–

Brianna grunted in dismay, throwing her head back against the cushions of Blair’s couch, “how come you got to meet Blaze so young and now I’m 25 and I have nothing? You have a life, a home, a husband.”

“I want to be nice to you, but I’m going to be your sister,” Blair sighed, fiddling with her ring, “quit moping, Brianna. You’ll never meet anyone, let alone your soulmate, if you keep sitting on my couch and whining. You can live a full life without a soulmate, stop letting the fact that you haven’t met them define you.”

*

Brianna tried to listen to Blair’s instructions but Brianna, being the ever stubborn woman she was, didn’t want to follow the advice given to her by her younger sister. Brianna was the only person she knew that was her age and didn’t have a soulmate, and it was frustrating her to no end. Blair had Blaze, Monet had Yuhua, Dusty had Marc. They had all found their loves while they were so young - meaning that even though she was only 25, Brianna felt like she was set to die alone. 25 was only three years away from ‘gay dead’ - and at this point, she could practically hear the clock ticking.

Brianna returned from Blair’s home in Manhattan to her small Harlem apartment and sighed dramatically, to no one in particular, neither physically or emotionally prepared to go to work. Brianna loved her job, she truly did, there was nothing better or more rewarding than taking care of other people and putting her own emotional dramas to the side - but today she just wasn’t feeling it, wasn’t ready for an overnight shift with Monet talking about how obsessed she was with Yuhua. Looking at her, you could tell Brianna was off her usual game - her ponytail was messy, she hadn’t done her usual makeup, she wasn’t wearing her happy floral print scrubs, rather opting for some plain blue ones. She chose to walk the short distance from her place to the hospital rather than catching an Uber like normal - there was just something about the day that made Brianna feel off.

*

Brianna stared at herself in the mirror of the hospital’s reception bathroom - untying, readjusting, retying her ponytail over and over for the better part of 5 minutes. She looked and felt like shit, and knew it was wrong to let her feelings get in the way of her job. She straightened up her name tag and smiles at the cute stickers all over the cheap plastic that read ‘Brianna ~ Midwife/RN’. She loved her job, she loved her cheap plastic badge, she loved her cheesy printed scrubs - she had worked hard to be where she was, her life wasn’t totally empty without someone to love.

She tied her ponytail high and tight, and was ready to leave the bathroom when the door opened suddenly - and in front of her stood a crying, heavily pregnant young woman. She looked a right mess, tears running down her face, body clad in a sweatshirt and sweatpants, duffel bag hoisted over her shoulder. Neither girl spoke as the stranger eased herself down the bathroom wall, breathing deeply and cradling her bump as she descended. Brianna was confused, emotional, and now two minutes late for her shift - but approached the girl and grabbed her shoulder, thumb resting on her collarbone.

“Can I help you?” Brianna’s arm ran down the girl’s arm to grab her hand as she cried, “I’m a nurse.” The girl stared up at Brianna, her face ghostly white and tears ceasing for a short moment before they resumed falling.

“I can’t do this, I want to go home.” The girl grabbed Brianna’s forearm and she felt it - felt everything she was supposed to feel. The butterflies, the tingling, the warm fuzzies.

 

Brianna had just met her soulmate.


	2. Aquaria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she's back back back back again ! thank you all so much for the love left on chapter one - it left me so motivated to finish this next part! without any further ado, here's part two xo

Aquaria can still remember waking up on her sixteenth birthday peacefully - not in pain like she expected. Her mom always told her that getting the words would hurt, would feel like a hot poker being pressed against your skin; but Aquaria stared at her reflection in her vanity mirror, running her fingers over the ink that trailed across her collarbone and over her shoulder.

Her parents had made this day out as something to look forward to - but now that it was here, Aquaria felt something akin to disappointment. Her life had undoubtedly changed, yet she felt nothing but underwhelmed by the words stained on her body. Ever the one to hide her true feelings behind an air of confidence, Aquaria expelled all evidence of disappointment from her body with one deep exhalation - before throwing on a sweater and deciding to make her presence known downstairs.

She padded down the stairs of her home, stopping two steps from the bottom when she heard her moms talking quietly.  
“I can’t hear anything. I hope she’s okay,” Sharon Needles, as much as she tried to present herself as calm and composed, was always worried about her daughter. Aquaria simply put it down to biology, “I’m going to check on her, make sure she’s not trying to be brave.”  
“Sharon, she’s probably fine. At least give her a few more minutes.” She heard her other mom chuckle melodically. Alaska Needles was what most considered a ‘cool mom’; she was poised and relaxed, although standing next to Sharon would make anyone appear as such.

Alaska and Sharon were each other’s soulmates and had been together since Sharon’s senior year of college, Alaska’s junior. They had been together for twenty years and, with love in their hearts (as well as a sperm donor), welcomed Aquaria into their little family not long after their first wedding anniversary. An only child - if you decided to exclude Peaches, the friendly street cat that was too tough to ever admit he liked Aquaria’s snuggles - Aquaria shared a tight bond with both her parents and considered herself more mature than most others her age.

“Morning,” Aquaria greeted her parents nonchalantly, seating herself at the breakfast bar across from her moms who stood gawking at her in the kitchen, “can you please grab the milk, mom?” Alaska nodded wordlessly, brows furrowed in confusion, but Sharon gripped her wife’s wrist and pulled her back.  
“Milk can wait. Happy birthday Aquaria, notice anything unusual about your body?” Sharon had always been one to cut to the chase, but this level of abruptness caused both Alaska and Aquaria to stare at her as though she were a mad woman. Perhaps she was.  
“Sharon!” Alaska yelped, backhanding her wife’s forearm, “you can’t just ask her that.”  
“While I appreciate the enthusiasm,” Aquaria noted, now peeling off her sweater in an attempt to sate her mother, “the underlying aggression is a bit much. Can I have the milk now, please?” She sat, admittedly freezing, in just her pyjama shorts and a tank top, watching her mothers rush around the bench to inspect her body. Aquaria sighed deeply; the girl just wanted some cereal on her birthday. She didn’t think she was asking for too much.  
“Starts on the collarbone.” Aquaria pulled her hair over her shoulder, leaning forward to get her hands on one of Sharon’s pieces of toast. She munched away silently, not thinking anything of it until the silence became deafening.

“Aquaria.” Alaska didn’t really know how to speak to her daughter - while Sharon stood frozen, hand resting on her daughter’s shoulder.

‘can I help you? I’m a nurse’

*

Aquaria spent the next two years of her life in superstition, always assuming the worst of everything and paranoid that something would go wrong at any given time. Hospitals had never been Aquaria’s favourite setting, but her trepidation reached a whole new level - and it didn’t help that her moms stepped up in how protective they were, especially Sharon.

Aquaria’s words weren’t simple or happy like those of her parents, they were ominous and left Aquaria scared that she wouldn’t get to spend as much time with her soulmate as she spent her childhood thinking she would. People didn’t just meet nurses by coincidence - meeting a nurse came with getting hurt, injured, sick. Not knowing what the future held was something that once excited Aquaria, but now she could think of nothing worse.

It was when Aquaria was eighteen and the Fashion Institute of Technology acceptance letter arrived that she decided she needed to start protecting herself. She was a big girl, and what better way to prove that to her parents than by moving from Pittsburgh to Brooklyn? Sharon cried at the airport, and cried when Aquaria rang to say she landed safely - Alaska told Aquaria that Sharon cried at least once a day for the first two weeks, and that the cat was confused.

*

Aquaria studied by day and partied by night under the influence of her roommate, Jordan. Her days were too full to routinely worry about soulmates and hospitals the way she did when she was in Pittsburgh; and Aquaria found herself indulging, possibly too frequently, in the luxuries New York City had to offer. She walked out of FIT at age twenty-one with a Bachelor’s Degree in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other, and started to trade her days of studying and cramming assignments for working and designing her own clothes, her designs influenced by the looks taking over the epicentres of global fashion - New York, Milan, Paris. She was now too busy to stress about the words on her body, and quite enjoyed the feeling of someone she didn’t know leaving blemishes across the soft skin.

*

Aquaria’s life of luxury came to a screeching halt when she was twenty-three, staring at Jordan incredulously as she held a box of pregnancy tests out to the blonde.  
“You’re stupid, I’m not pregnant.” Aquaria huffed, cursing when the bobbin on her sewing machine snapped and snagged her fabric.  
“I’m not stupid,” Jordan argued, unplugging the machine’s cord and putting the box of tests down on Aquaria’s workbench, “your tits are huge and I know you don’t have enough money to get them done. And besides, Aqua, we’ve lived together for, like, five years - I know when something’s off.” Aquaria groaned, snatching up the box and stomping into the bathroom, determined to prove Jordan wrong.

Aquaria nearly cried when the test came back positive, telling her she was at least three weeks pregnant.  
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she sniffled, shaking the test the way you shook a magic-8 ball when you wanted a different answer, and fell to her knees when the little smiley face didn’t go away, “I can’t have a baby.” Jordan sat next to her on the floor and stroked her hair softly, pulling the test from Aquaria’s clenched fist and staring at the digital screen.  
“Guess what kiddo, we’re gonna be mommies.”

*

Aquaria’s fear of hospitals came back shortly after. She couldn’t meet her soulmate in a hospital, not like this - not with a baby.

“What if my baby gets really sick and she needs surgery or something?” Aquaria asked quietly one night, rubbing her hand over her twenty-four week belly and cocking her head to look at the sonogram image from a different angle. The little girl growing in Aquaria’s womb had wreaked enough havoc on her life, and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take. Sharon practically demanded that Aquaria move back to Pittsburgh, and it took a lot for Aquaria to convince her mom that New York was where she was destined to be right now, and that relocating would change her life course.  
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Jordan sighed, grabbing the pint of ice cream that rested in Aquaria’s lap, “this baby has an incredible mom, and one super cool other mother.”  
“Other mother?” Aquaria laughed, resting her head on Jordan’s shoulder.  
“I haven’t decided if I want to be the other mother, or the fun aunt. I’m gonna teach her some cool stuff. We’ll be okay.”

*

Aquaria didn’t quite know how she ended up overdue and in an Uber heading towards Manhattan. She was home alone when her contractions started to come more frequently and when her waters broke on Jordan’s rug - she could vaguely recall leaving Jordan a note, quick scribbles about how she was indeed in labour but wasn’t ready for motherhood; and aside from that the rest of the evening was a blur.

She was crying in the back seat of her Uber, watching the rain fall heavily on the road. She felt sick, and her contractions were starting to get closer together and more painful. She had twelve missed calls from Jordan, twenty unopened texts, two calls from her midwife. She hollered some rushed instructions to her driver, demanding he take her to the nearest hospital instead, throwing a $50 bill at him as he pulled up outside Harlem Hospital Centre.

She waddled - walk was too loose a term at forty weeks and six days - inside the hospital, eyeing off a bathroom to her left. Somewhere she could cry for a little bit, wait out the next few contractions, ring Jordan back, and get another Uber back to her hospital in Brooklyn. She pushed the door open hastily, locking eye contact with a woman who was leaning against the sink. She hadn’t anticipated anyone being in the bathroom, and she gathered the woman felt the same way. Aquaria’s tears kept rolling as she leaned against the wall, sliding herself down and exhaling deeply. Aquaria heard the woman’s footsteps against the floor, presumed she was just going to keep walking - Aquaria didn’t expect the woman to lean down and grab her shoulder.

She felt a warm, fuzzy feeling in her tummy, felt her skin burning where the woman’s hand rested. Aquaria was sure she had stopped breathing, jaw slack as she stared up at this woman.  
“Can I help you?” Aquaria felt the hand run down her arm and grab her hand, and that’s when the tears started falling again, “I’m a nurse.” Aquaria didn’t know what to do. She was panicking, could feel herself getting dizzy and overwhelmed. She grabbed the nurse’s arm in haste, not realising the nurse was now staring at Aquaria incredulously.  
“I can’t do this, I want to go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still haven't quite wrapped my head around ao3 just yet, and as a result the formatting is different in this chapter ?! sorry if that's bothering anyone the way it's bothering me xo


	3. Brianna & Aquaria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a long time in the making, but it's finally here! enjoy xo

Brianna didn’t know how long she and Aquaria had been staring at each other, but their awe soon dissipated as the younger gripped Brianna’s wrist and cried out in pain.

“I hate to break it to you,” Brianna mumbled, looking at her fob watch and timing the contraction, only speaking up again when Aquaria’s face relaxed, “but I don’t think you’re going home.” Brianna made some rushed notes in her phone and sent a haphazard message to Monet before standing up and holding out her hands, helping her soulmate ease her way off the ground, the slight wobble in Aquaria’s ascent causing Brianna to wrap her arm around the younger’s waist. Brianna stared at Aquaria in awe, and possibly something akin to love, as she felt the young blonde reciprocate the motion and move her hand to Brianna’s hip. Neither dared to be the first to speak after that as they made their way to the elevator, standing in silence as they waited. The silence waned soon after, Aquaria speaking up softly.

“I’m Aquaria,” she was inhaling and exhaling deeply, and tapped gently on Brianna’s hip to tell her to start timing once more. The contraction was long and painful, Aquaria’s nails digging into Brianna’s skin through her thin scrubs, moving only to grip the railings lining the walls near the elevator, letting her body descend slowly, pulling herself up after the pain subsided, “I’m twenty-three, and the first time I sleep with a man in nearly a year I get pregnant. Just my luck, huh.” Brianna nodded silently, unsure how to respond, as she ushered Aquaria into the elevator. After another minute of silence passed by before Brianna introduced herself,

“I’m Brianna, I’m twenty-five, and my younger sister is getting married before me. Just me luck, huh.” Aquaria pursed her lips, nodding the same way Brianna did. She grunted in discomfort not too long after, bringing their awkward introductory conversation to a close.

The elevator stopped after what felt like an eternity, and Brianna all but dragged Aquaria towards the ward, watching Aquaria grimace in pain every so often. The rounded the corner and entered the ward swiftly, coming face-to-face with Monet, who led Brianna and Aquaria to a room down the end of a dimly lit corridor. Minutes went by quickly and Aquaria felt and uncomfortable churning in her stomach - she was in an unfamiliar borough, in a hospital she had never set foot in before, surrounded by nurses that didn’t know her or her baby, let alone what she wanted and needed. She wanted to be left alone. Perhaps not entirely alone, but she wanted these nurses to stop interrogating her. Brianna could sense that Aquaria was unsettled and anxious, and promptly told everyone who didn’t need to be in the room to get out and come back later.

“You’re my nurse, right? You’re the one that found me, Brianna,” Aquaria was a dissolving mess, clearly tired and overwhelmed, “I’m terrified.”

“You’re my soulmate, Aquaria,” Brianna sighed, sitting next to Aquaria on the bed and holding her hand tightly, “I can’t be your nurse, but if you want me to stay, I’ll stay. I’m your person.” Aquaria nodded and smiled, and Brianna bumped her shoulder against Aquaria’s with a grin. Soon enough, Aquaria’s deep breathing was the only thing to be heard in the room - and Brianna decided that she should leave Aquaria alone for a bit, let her get ready in peace.

“I’m going to get you some ice,” Brianna whispered, squeezing Aquaria’s hand before letting go, “get comfy, maybe try and get some sleep. You’re in for a long night.” Aquaria looked up at Brianna, brown doe eyes glassy with tears, but didn’t speak until Brianna had one foot out the door,

“Don’t go. Come back to me.” Brianna could hear the pain in her voice, heard the tremors that threatened to release new waves of tears. Brianna turned around and walked back in, pressing a small kiss to Aquaria’s hairline.

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

Monet was quick to grab Brianna’s arm as she left the room.

“I’ll help you soon, Net, just let me grab some ice.” Brianna sighed, on the verge of tears herself. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, surely she wasn’t supposed to meet her soulmate when they were in labour with another man’s baby. Her head told her that perhaps Aquaria wasn’t the soulmate Brianna was supposed to love, but her heart was saying something else.

“Are you going to take care of her?” Monet asked, following Brianna to the ice machine, the pair standing in silence as the tiny chips rattled against the styrofoam cup.

“She’s my soulmate, Monet. I can’t take care of her.” Monet’s face morphed into one of excitement, completely contrasting Brianna’s expression.

“You met your soulmate? After all these years!” Monet was squealing, shaking Brianna’s body back and forth happily.

“I did. She came into the bathroom crying, Monet. I met my person, and now no matter what happens next we’re bound for life,” Brianna noted, mind racing with thoughts that she struggled to verbalise, “someone can come and do her admission soon, I just want her settled down.” Monet simply nodded, happy that after all this time Brianna had found her soulmate.

Brianna returned to Aquaria’s room to find her asleep among all the pillows and blankets. Brianna smiled, placing the cup of ice down softly and turning off the lights. She was nearly ready to leave again - to go and find something comfier than scrubs - when Aquaria called out to her again.

“Brianna? Stay with me. I don’t want to be alone.” Brianna sighed happily, turning around and grabbing Aquaria’s outstretched hand. The younger pulled her soulmate down to join her on the small bed, rolling herself over and pressing her back against Brianna’s chest. Aquaria was taller and more lean than Brianna, yet she somehow fit perfectly in Brianna’s embrace.

“I waited too long to find you, there’s no way I’m leaving this soon.”

*

Aquaria laboured long and hard throughout the cool autumn night, fought against contractions as the sun began to rise along the Harlem skyline, the warm oranges and yellows of fall scattered across the landscape outside Aquaria’s window. She spent her hours breathing through the pains of labour, unsuccessfully napping, and talking to Brianna, who hadn’t left Aquaria’s room other than to bring her more ice.

Brianna knew she had only known Aquaria for mere hours, but there was a part of her that felt like she had known the young blonde for years. There was an air about Aquaria that was so familiar and warm for Brianna - but at the same time there was an elusiveness, a sense of mystery that came with her. Who was this girl? Did she have someone waiting for her to bring home a bundle of joy?

“Did you ever want kids, Brianna?” Aquaria asked silently, watching as the city beyond the window roared with early morning life. The question, for lack of better words, threw Brianna off guard. So far the most probing question Aquaria dared to ask if Brianna thought she was going to die alone, after waiting 9 years for her soulmate to find their way into her life.

“I don’t know, Aquaria,” Brianna mused, holding Aquaria’s hand through another contraction, brushing hair off her red, sweaty face, “I didn’t really think I’d ever get the chance.”

If she wanted to be honest, Brianna probably would have said no. Before yesterday, she couldn’t see children fitting into her life - her job too haphazard, her mind too frazzled, her life too frantic. She wasn’t sure that she could care for a child they way that they needed to be, found it too unfair to bring a child into her world that seemed to spin so much faster than everyone else’s. But Brianna decided that now wasn’t the time for honesty. Aquaria needed support, reinforcement that everything was going to be okay, and if that meant that Brianna had to play happy families, then so be it.

“Are you happy you’ve been given the chance? Is this something you want now that it’s in front of you?” Aquaria wasn’t sure of where she stood with Brianna. She knew she had the rest of her life to work out where she fitted into Brianna’s life, but she had mere hours to work out where this baby was going to fit. Brianna felt like Aquaria wouldn’t stop hitting her while she was down, kept bombarding her with questions - but she knew why Aquaria’s guards were up.

“I want you, Aquaria,” if there was one thing in this moment Brianna was sure about, it was that Aquaria ignited something inside of her she had never felt before. She wasn’t sure about this baby, she wasn’t sure of how she would be as a parent, but with Aquaria by her side she knew she was willing to try, “I don’t know if I’ll be a good mother, and I don’t know how I’ll go caring for something that screams and cries, but -”

“In all fairness, I don’t know if I’ll be a good mom either, and I don’t know how I’ll handle a tiny, screaming human,” Aquaria laughed, lowering herself slowly back into her bed, pulling a blanket over her lap, “but I think if we teamed up, we could make one pretty good mom.” Brianna stood in adoration, felt butterflies in her tummy as she watched Aquaria rub her belly in soothing circles. Brianna knew better than anyone that sometimes it’s the family you choose, rather than the one you’re born into, that means the most. Brianna knew the value of family, and knew that even though this baby wasn’t bound to her by blood, they could be bound by something much more powerful.

“I can’t promise you I’ll be the world’s greatest mom, but I can promise you I’ll try, Aqua.” Brianna said softly, holding Aquaria’s hand and giving a reassuring squeeze. Aquaria squeezed back, but there was something about her embrace that didn’t reciprocate Brianna’s feelings.  
“Bri, I think I’m ready.”

*

Brianna looked down in awe at the baby resting on Aquaria’s chest, loud cries having been soothed by Aquaria’s warmth. Aquaria couldn’t stop her eyes darting around the room in disbelief - she looked at Brianna, to the baby, back to Brianna, to another midwife - she was a mother, she had brought new life into this world.

“She’s so small,” Aquaria whispered to no one in particular, watching as the newborn wrapped her fist around Aquaria’s thumb, “she’s so beautiful.”

“You did good mama, so good.” Aquaria hummed in appreciation, resting her head on her pillow and closing her eyes, only to open them not long afterwards.

“Hold her?” Aquaria asked and Brianna froze, not knowing where to begin. Brianna had years of experience holding and taking care of babies, and yet now that she was being asked to hold the child of her soulmate, she had no idea what to do.

Aquaria laughed, bundling her daughter and all her blankets up and holding her out to Brianna. Motherhood, all 20 minutes of it, had definitely become her. Brianna had no choice but to cradle the baby close to her chest, hold her tight and let her feel her warmth. She went to speak up, only to see Aquaria lost in her first sleep in nearly 24 hours, a lazy smile resting on her lips as she dreamed. Brianna let her have it, opting to lie on the guest couch near the bed, a small newborn head resting in the crook of her elbow. Brown eyes stared down at blue, worn fingers ran through dark hair.

“You’re the spitting image of your mother,” Brianna laughed, watching the baby coo and yawn, “you’re going to capture someone’s heart one day, and god help them when you do.” She watched as the little girl in her arms ventured into her own sleep, and didn’t dare to take her eyes off the newborn, watched her stomach rise and fall contently. Brianna’s thumb traced over the soft apples of newborn cheeks, she stifled a laugh when tiny pink lips pursed, felt her heart swell when a small fist wrapped around her thumb.

“I can’t promise I’m going to be perfect, sweet girl, but I promise you I’m going to try,” Brianna sniffled, feeling a singular joyous tear roll down her cheek, “you have an exciting life full of adventures ahead of you, and I’m going to be there for every heartache and every celebration. I love your mom, so much, and I can’t wait for you to feel the love that I do. I hope you both know how much you’re loved.” 

 

Aquaria watched the loves of her life on the couch near her bed; Brianna’s back was facing her but she still heard every word said.

In that moment, Aquaria had no doubt that she and her girl were loved, no doubt that Brianna was the soulmate she was meant to love, no doubt that this was the first part of their forever.

Aquaria had never felt more sure about anything before now.


	4. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final body chapter is finally here! let me know if you want the drawl of an epilogue I've written, and send me some thoughts here and over on my blog, aqpippin.tumblr.com ! watch this space for more works soon xo

Brianna couldn’t exactly pinpoint when she stopped playing happily families, didn’t quite know when she well and truly fell in love with Aquaria and the little girl with bright eyes and lush curls. There was a constant niggling feeling in the back of Brianna’s mind that told her she wasn’t meant to be part of their lives - and she couldn’t quite work out when that feeling went away.

She remembered the day that Evie called her ‘mama’ for the first time, when she looked down at this tiny blue eyed creature and stood in shock, Evie’s repetition of the call dragging Brianna back to reality. At that point, there was still something inside of Brianna that told her that Evie wasn’t hers, that she wasn’t Evie’s mama - but something bigger told her that in Evie’s perfect, undisturbed little world; she was mama, not Brianna.

She looked back on Evie’s first birthday, when she looked at Aquaria in awe as she blew out the candles topping Evie’s yellow ducky cake, when she realised that Aquaria had kept a human alive for a whole year. She was so proud of her girls, so proud of all of their achievements - and yet that voice pounded in her head louder than the cheers of ‘happy birthday’ from playgroup mothers she couldn’t tell apart.

She knew it wasn’t on Evie’s first day of school, when Evie, innocent as ever, dragged her mommy and her mama into her classroom, boasting that she was lucky enough to have two moms. Brianna had never seen a child get kicked down so fast, and she couldn’t help but hold Evie in her lap as she cried and cried while children sneered and mothers stared blankly. Brianna knew Evie was different in the most positive of ways, she could spell six letter words and do her three times tables, but right now she was different because she didn’t have a daddy. Looking back on it, she found it stupid, but in that moment a part of Brianna agreed that maybe it would be better for Evie to have a dad rather than a soulmate as a second parent.

*

Yet, for every bad thought that loomed over Brianna’s head - twenty that warmed the cockles of her heart crossed her mind afterwards. For every negative voice that called out, there was a smile, a coo, a laugh - with Evie the good had always outweighed the bad.

Brianna had never explicitly asked Aquaria if she was considered a part of her little family - but as time went on, Brianna realised that she hadn’t needed to ask. There were little things Aquaria said or did that alleviated her worries. It was all the small things - 'message me when you get there', 'don’t forget breakfast', 'tell Bob I say hi' - that made her realise that Aquaria considered Brianna her family. Her actions spoke louder than words ever could have.

“You’re in your head again,” Aquaria sighed one night, watching as Brianna braided, untied, and rebraided Evie’s hair while staring blankly at the living room wall, “talk to me, B.” They weren’t far into their relationship when Aquaria learned that Brianna would tune out when she over-thought, that her mind would shut down when the negative voices became too powerful. Bob always told Aquaria that the feelings of isolation and rejection were things Brianna worked on over the years, that sometimes she struggled with feeling wanted. Aquaria supposed that being with this little family of hers brought back those feelings for Brianna, thought that maybe Brianna needed something that had a sense of permanence, but didn’t dare ask if that were the truth.

“I’m okay, just thinking.” Brianna looked down at the messy brunette hair that laid sprawled out across her lap, hums of content falling from Evie’s lips while she slept. There was nothing the little girl loved more than a head massage from her mama, and Brianna was too wrapped around her finger to refuse.  
“Think out loud, then. Tell me what’s wrong.” Aquaria grabbed Brianna’s fidgety hand and squeezed it tightly, not letting go until Brianna spoke up.  
“It’s stupid, it really is. I just feel… replaceable - like if I were to disappear tomorrow it wouldn’t matter and you would just go on with your lives. I’m not Evie’s mom, I’m here because I made you a promise six years ago.” Brianna knew it was stupid. She knew Aquaria loved her, she knew Evie loved her, she knew she meant more to them than a stupid promise made in the heat of the moment - and yet this part of her still screamed that she was unwanted, unworthy. Aquaria let of her hand, and pushed herself off the couch. She picked up a sleeping Evie and walked away down the hall of their small apartment. This was it, Brianna thought, she’s going to agree with me and send me back to Harlem. She was surprised when Aquaria returned with a small gift bag, the lean blonde sitting back on the couch cross-legged, facing Brianna.

“You don’t make things easy, Brianna Heller,” Aquaria mused, untying the bag’s satin strings, “you can be frustrating and stubborn, and sometimes you make me cry. But you make me so happy. You make me smile, you make me laugh, and most of all you love our daughter with a force unmatched. I didn’t want to do this here, I didn’t want to do this now, but -”  
“Yes,” Brianna sobbed loudly, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand, “yes.”  
“Can you not be frustrating for two seconds? Let me ask the question first, damn,” Aquaria laughed, throwing the bag across the living room aimlessly after pulling out the black ring box, “marry me?” Brianna couldn’t bring herself to do anything other than nod, pulling Aquaria forward by the hem of her tank top and pressing their lips together. Brianna sighed happily as she felt Aquaria’s forehead press against her own, looking down and watching Aquaria open the box, a simple platinum solitaire ring sitting inside. Brianna wouldn’t have cared if it was a two dollar ring pop, she had just agreed to spend the rest of her life with the woman she loved more than anything else in the world, the woman who stumbled into her life in the most obscure of ways.

*

Aquaria shivered when she felt the cool platinum of Brianna’s ring trace up and down her arm as Brianna held her that night. Skin against skin against cotton, nothing to be heard except soft breathing and the hum of traffic in the city below them.

“I know you’ve never felt it, but you’re irreplaceable.” Aquaria murmured, bringing Brianna’s hand to her lips and pressing soft kisses against her knuckles. Brianna hummed appreciatively, rolling Aquaria over so that they were facing each other.  
“I know. I’m sorry I said I wasn’t.”  
“I know sometimes you don’t think you’re Evie’s mother just because you didn’t know her before she was born, but to Evie it doesn’t make any difference. She doesn’t know that. You more than anyone knows the power of motherhood. You are to Evie as Bob is to you, you don’t need to have been there for all the nitty details. You pour so much love into her and she is a better person because of it. You’re her mama, no matter what. We love you and we certainly couldn’t just go on without you.” Aquaria was sniffling, wiping a few tears off the apples of her cheeks. Aquaria was never a good liar, she was too much of an open book - and Brianna loved her for all of the torn pages and spelling mistakes that composed her.

“Every day I try and think of the first time I felt like I belonged in your world,” Brianna mused, running her thumb across Aquaria’s cheek, “now I can stop thinking.”

*

Brianna married Aquaria on a warm spring day in New York City. She cried when their sweet baby girl lead the bridal party down the aisle, let out an audible sob as Aquaria floated towards the altar looking nothing short of ethereal, one mother holding each of her arms as the bridal march was played by a string quartet. Aquaria laughed when she saw the tears rolling down Brianna’s cheeks, kissed them away before they promised to hold each other until death parted them. Brianna stared proudly at the bands they adorned on their left hands, couldn’t help but grin into their first kiss as a married couple. They were visions in white, and bound by the platinum rings on their fingers, Brianna found the people she didn’t fear would leave her because she wasn’t good enough, the people who gave her a sense of purpose and a sense of home.

After so many years, Brianna met her soulmate - the woman who was her best friend, who, who made her laugh and cry, pushed her to be the best version of herself.

*

Aquaria would happily admit that she was one of the lucky ones. She constantly wondered how she was lucky enough to find Brianna, spent many hours wondering what her life would look like if she caught the Uber all the way to Manhattan, if she caught a different Uber - if she didn’t call an Uber at all and just gave birth in Brooklyn like she was supposed to. Would she have even met Brianna by this point in her life? She was so lucky to have been in the right place at the right time, was so lucky to have found someone like Brianna - kind, caring, passionate. She was lucky to meet someone who cared for her daughter just has much as she did - and between them they raised a child so full of love she was close to bursting.

Aquaria watched as Brianna raced Evie across the lush green grass of Central Park, both so determined to beat the other to their spot. She laughed as Brianna hoisted Evie over her shoulder and carried her across the grass, laying her down softly before tickling her rib cage and belly. Aquaria eventually caught up, chest heaving as cold evening air filled her lungs.

“Alright, Aqua?” Brianna asked, helping Evie unfold the picnic blanket before helping Aquaria to the ground, laying next to her afterwards. Aquaria hummed as she laid down, smiling as Evie wriggled her way between her moms, quickly pointing out ‘their’ stars. Aquaria still couldn’t settle her breathing, lungs on fire as cold air burnt her chest; but she felt herself relax when Evie, her sweet baby girl, held her hand as she continued to talk about the stars with her mama.

Hot tears rolled down Aquaria’s cheeks, she definitely was one of the lucky ones.


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and just like that, it's all over xo

For as long as she could remember, Evie loved to stargaze. It was a reminder of better times, and there was something about the light of the stars that calmed and reassured her that everything would be okay. Evie still stargazed, but it wasn’t the same when she looked out across the skyline from the bay window in the apartment. Something about it felt heavier - perhaps it was the weight of her heart holding her down.

It had been years since she felt the green grass of Central Park on her back, since she had felt her lungs tingle with cold air running through them as she watched the open sky for hours - she hadn’t brought herself back to their spot in the park just yet, something about going back there felt wrong.

Evie would be the first to admit that she lived a good life. She lived in a nice apartment that overlooked the city, she had a mom that loved her, and grandmothers and aunts that fawned over her. She had so much love pouring into her she swore she would burst, and yet she still yearned for love of her mother whom she missed eternally. Evie missed her mom’s soft and warm hands and how they would rub her back and shoulders, she missed the gentle kisses her mom would pepper all over her cheeks and face of a night, missed the way her mom would sing her to sleep after a long day.

*

‘You look like your mom, baby,’ Evie remembered sitting next to Sharon last Christmas, she was freshly 15 and knew that this time next year she would have ink staining her body, knew that in less than 12 months her life would change drastically again, ‘Lasky, doesn’t she look like Aqua?’

‘Same freckle above her lip,’ Alaska mused, tapping Evie’s freckle with her index finger, making the younger grin, ‘I never really noticed it until now.’

Brianna had always noticed the similarities. She was a tiny Aquaria - same smile, same face, same loving nature. And even though it made living without Aquaria so much harder, it made Brianna love Evie even more. Evie had been Brianna’s beacon for the better part of the last decade, she was the one that made each day worth it and each moment worth living.

She had to keep going, she had to do it for her sweet girl.

*

Brianna remembered waking up on Evie’s sixteenth birthday to screams, she remembered holding Evie’s arms still the same way Bob did for her all those years ago, whispered some sweet words of guidance as Evie continued to writhe in pain. Brianna hummed soft melodies in Evie’s ear until the pain finally dissipated.

“I don’t want to look, mom.” Evie whimpered, sitting back down on her bed, eyes glassy with tears. She looked up at Brianna with big eyes and trembling lips, and in that moment Evie almost looked little again - she was looking up at Brianna the same way she did when she fell off her bike when she was four, when she had grazed knees and a crushed spirit.

“Why, baby?” Brianna cooed, holding Evie’s clammy hand.

“You and mom built this incredible life together and you’ve done so much on your own and I .. do you ever feel like I’m letting you down, mom?”

“Many people have let me down, Evie, you’re not one of them. What on earth makes you think that?” Brianna couldn’t believe that her daughter felt as though she had let her down.

“You’ve done everything for me all on your own for so many years. I’m not even yours. Don’t you think your life would have been easier if you didn’t have me?”

When they were younger and their journey had together had only just started, Brianna feared that Evie would be taken away too because she wasn’t hers, that she would lose both of her girls and that Evie would lose both of her parents. Brianna couldn’t help but look back at all the milestones they had reached together over the past sixteen years - bringing Evie home for the first time, the early morning and late night feeds, learning to walk, Evie’s first birthday, her first day of school. Evie, by all accounts, was Brianna’s daughter through and through; she was a little girl who needed her mama to protect her from the rest of the atrocities the world had to offer. Together they had conquered so much, and by now they were bound by something a lot stronger than genetics.

“Of course my life would have been easier,” Brianna sighed, watching as Evie’s jaw slacked in disappointment. She didn’t think her mom would actually admit it, “but easier doesn’t mean better. Look at what we’ve done together. This life has been hard, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. You might not be my daughter by blood, but it doesn’t mean I love you any less.” Evie was sobbing in her mama’s arms before Brianna brushed away the tears and kissed her hairline.

“I love you, mama,” Evie whispered, “I want to see the words.”

*

Evie was twenty-three when she found her soulmate at her best friend’s wedding. She was the same age her mom was when she found her soulmate, and in that moment Evie had never felt closer to Aquaria. She had only just sat down when she saw a hand being extended towards her.

‘Dance with me? Under the stars?’

She exhaled a laugh and accepted, feeling her tummy twist and knot itself as tingles ran up her spine. This was it. She danced under the light of the stars above, and looked up for the first time in years, managing to see her mom’s star shining especially bright.

Evie was right, she never had felt closer to her mom.


End file.
